I was going to write a post on going outside and consistency/motivation to do the things that you enjoy and are good for you but decided to do something a little different and write a post a bit more personal/vulnerable. But this can still be a plug to go outside because ~ here in North Florida ~ spring is here and it’s the absolute best weather ever in my opinion and it’s good for you. So go do it.
Anyway, I’m going to write a little more about me which is very unlike and somewhat uncomfortable for me. The point of this, though, is to share how vulnerability is an enormous strength and allows you to feel more connected to yourself and those around you – even if it’s scary.
I’ll start with some things I’m not: all-knowing, perfect, glamorous, always calm and collected or articulate and energetic. In the picture I posted of myself, you’ll see me with no makeup or shoes, natural hair and a fun hat that I love, but have never even worn it into my office space. And if I could, I would be barefoot and in whatever is the most comfortable clothing. Things that I am: highly empathic, intentional with my listening, sensitive and filled with emotions and 100% present with the people I work with because they all mean so much to me. In my training as a therapist, we were heavily instructed to not utilize something called self-disclosure. Only share minimal personal information if it applies to the client’s growth and goals but do so cautiously. I mostly agree and so, naturally being the rule-follower and afraid of doing something wrong type of person that I am, I shared close to none. I’ve only recently began to express myself more with my family, friends and probably my own self. My go-to responses growing up were to pretend I had my emotions all together in a nice little bow and be overly independent and not rely on others to help me because that would mean I don’t know everything (silly I know, but in the moment that would have been awful to be “found out”). That ended up with everything on the outside nice and neat but everything inside of me feeling like an anxious, scared puppy. It worked really well during my school years to show that I was good/compliant, people pleasing and agreeable as well as helped me meet most academic goals, but I also didn’t know what I wanted other than what people wanted from me. I see this in most of the teens I work with currently and even some adults.
I identify with a population called highly sensitive people. I rarely felt safe with others emotionally because of past experiences with people shaming, judging or stating, “you’re too sensitive.” Emotions are not always easy to express, especially when others don’t know how to listen effectively or respond in a validating or neutral way that doesn’t shut someone down. Also, where most of western society views feelings as a weakness, how dare they think me as weak. Until recently, I have learned how to show up with my emotions more and express myself to feel heard and understood. Even if I don’t receive a welcoming response, I’m able to validate it for myself and know that I’m valid no matter what experience it is. If you’ve ever done this with someone who invalidates or minimizes your experience, you would know how terrifying as well as brave sharing emotions really is. I was disconnected from those around me because I didn’t trust that others could understand or hold space for me. This also took internal work to be able to trust, identify, and regulate my own emotions and thoughts to be brave enough to share my experience, thoughts and opinions with others. It’s been very freeing, but it’s also allowed me to become more alive and engaged with others, instead of isolated and quiet.
You know how I said before that I wasn’t perfect? You can definitely see some flawed thinking within this post. I was also even more afraid and invalidating my own experiences because I believed that since I am a trained therapist “I shouldn’t have anxiety” or know how to work through it (see here, #11). That just makes me human, not a “bad therapist.” I share some of these thoughts to help normalize and relate to the people I work with to know I get it and know it can be scary to share emotions with someone. I share these things to let you know sensitivity is a strength and you are not “bad” for feeling or invalidate yourself for feeling what is natural and supposed to happen. If you have rational and healthy thoughts, you will still feel discomfort, and negative feelings from time to time because they are supposed to be happen. All feelings are meant to help show you how to navigate and experience the world. And when you allow your feelings to come up naturally and you express them or listen to them, most times they will pass much quicker than if you attempt to control or shove them down. It often comes up in other unhealthy ways.
I welcome you to be imperfect with me to help you live a more authentic and engaged life, bypassing beliefs that it should “look pretty” or “always feel good.” Sometimes the difficult emotions can create a deeper and more meaningful life, only if we were to open ourselves up to the vulnerability and see it for ourselves.
Healthy Minds Therapy & Wellness 