Emotional Intelligence in Children & Adults

I’ll list a couple of definitions I’ll reference here, first.

Emotional intelligence: comprised of five components including self-awareness, self regulation, internal motivation, empathy and social skills.

Self-regulation: the ability to understand, evaluate and respond to one’s own emotional states in a variety of contexts. An example includes being able to rethink a difficult situation to reduce anger or anxiety that it might have caused.

Why is emotional intelligence important? Emotional intelligence allows children (and adults) to think critically in any situation and make sound decisions. Emotionally intelligent children and adults are less impulsive, more resilient, motivated, and have greater academic and employment successes. Emotional intelligence is also positively correlated with physical and mental health.

The most commonly taught skill I teach is reflecting emotions. However, first you need to know the accurate emotion. Assisting with teaching children emotion identification can look like: “that sounds frustrating,” “you’re really upset about ____,” “I can see you’re annoyed with ___,” and so on. Using this skill teaches children to be confident and independent. Often times, parents take over responsibilities that kids can do on their own, which can lead to decreased confidence and self esteem later on in their lives. This skill takes patience on the parenting end, but is so important in developing confident, emotionally aware individuals.

Within yourself, take a moment to check in with your thoughts and sensations and what those are telling you. Feeling tense in your neck or brows may tell you that you’re worrying/anticipating or thinking about something that happened in the past or is going to happen. Once you have that awareness, label the emotion for yourself: ex. “I’m feeling stressed about the amount of activities planned this week.” Accurate emotion identification leads to feeling more in control of your choices in life and thus, more contentment in your decision making. Once you know your emotion, you can then define what you have control over and what you do not. Then comes coping and acting based on your values, morals, etc. Ex. “I have a lot to do to take care of the house chores and the kids’ appointments/sports, and I can ask for help where I can so I don’t feel so overwhelmed.”

Give this a try with yourself and your young ones. If you already engage in this type of skill, kudos to you and keep it going!